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18 June 2011 @ 11:29 am
i don't even know what to do with myself anymore.  
I feel like I keep lying to myself, hoping that if I keep telling myself i'll be okay that eventually i'll really start believing that. Some days are a lot better than some, some days are a whole lot worse. I don't feel like these feelings will ever fade, it's to the point that I don't even know how to carry myself or my feelings towards you anymore. I simply love you more than anything and there's nothing I can do about it. I come home to find that you've called, and sadly I don't even know how to react towards it. I want to call you back but then in my mind I know exactly how it's going to be, I know exactly how it's going to play out. I'm not ever going to get past this, I'm never going to get past loving you. It's been all about you ever since I met you, the cycle just keeps on going. I just wished we could work things out and things could go back to the way they were. Oh how I wished things were that simple. I'm miserable and the only bit of happiness i've ever felt came from you and when I was with you. Will I ever get that little bit of happiness back that I used to feel? I guess time is the factor here.